The Queerest Podcast
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The Queerest Podcast is your cosmic guide to the Queer Universe. Hosted by Andraé BVR, each episode takes you on an interstellar journey through queer culture, identity, and influence. From dismantling media tropes to exploring queer representation, we invite you to challenge norms and expand your horizons. So, buckle up, set your phasers to fabulous—close encounters of the queerest kind await!
The Queerest Podcast
QUEERLY BELOVED: Love, Resistance, and the Fight for Marriage Equality
How can weddings become symbols of love, resistance, and equality?
In Queerly Beloved: Love, Resistance, and the Fight for Marriage Equality, host Andraé BVR and his husband Albert share their journey of planning a wedding that celebrated their identities while challenging societal norms. Together, they explore how their celebration connects to the broader fight for marriage equality and the enduring power of queer love. This heartfelt episode celebrates resilience, joy, and the activism that keeps equality in focus.
Because it is such a powerful vehicle of spreading knowledge, love and joy that it's hard to combat that, Like all of the people that participated or even spectated during our wedding, there was a seed planted in their mind that will slowly grow and blossom over time. All of that like how many people we just impacted from our small event right, and like if everyone's doing these all over the United States and everyone is able to affect that many people and share their story and show them right, Like that is a very powerful lever that we get access to, pulling, yeah, and so it makes sense that they want to take that power away.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Queerest Podcast, your cosmic guide to the queer universe. Hosted by Andre BVR, each episode takes you on an interstellar journey through queer culture, identity and influence, from dismantling media tropes to exploring queer representation. We invite you to challenge norms and expand your horizons. So buckle up and set your phasers to fabulous Close encounters of the queerest kind await.
Speaker 3:Greetings, cosmic queers and allies. Welcome to the Queerist Podcast. I am your host, andre BVR, and today we are celebrating love while also facing the stark reality of the moment. Marriage equality, something many of us thought was settled, is back on the chopping block With new legal challenges aimed at undoing our rights. A recent court case in Idaho is pushing to nullify same-sex marriages in the state, which could have devastating consequences nationwide. Before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on the long and hard-fought battles for marriage equality in this country.
Speaker 3:Starting in 1996, the Defense of Marriage Act, or also commonly known as DOMA, was signed into law federally, defining marriage as a union between one man and one woman, blocking federal recognition of same-sex marriages. Fast forward to 2004,. Massachusetts becomes the pioneer and leader in this country, being the first state to legalize same-sex marriage, sparking both progress and backlash across the nation. And it wasn't until 2013 that the Supreme Court struck down DOMA in the United States v Windsor case, affirming that legally married same-sex couples deserve federal recognition. In 2015, the landmark Ogrefel v Hodges decision made marriage equality the law of the land, finally recognizing that love is love. In 2022, in response to growing threats against marriage equality, congress passed the Respect for Marriage Act, repealing DOMA and ensuring that federal protections for same-sex and interracial marriages.
Speaker 3:And now here we are, fast forward to 2025, and we are seeing renewed attacks, legal and otherwise, with some states attempting to challenge marriage equality outright, like the recent Idaho case that I just mentioned. That threatens to unravel our rights again. This is much more than just legal precedent. It's about our lives. It's about our families and about the dignity we have fought so hard to secure. Today's conversation is deeply personal. My wonderful husband, albert Bonitzer Vigil Romero, will be joining me to reflect on our own marriage journey and what it means to be married in an era where our unions are once again being debated in courtrooms. Albert, welcome to the pod.
Speaker 1:Hello everybody, Fancy seeing you here.
Speaker 3:No, I feel like we're so close, but so far, and by that I mean he is in the other room while we are filming this.
Speaker 1:So it's on the other, to be on this side of the camera for once. I'm always behind you cheering you on, in the corner for all the other ones, so it's really cool to be on this side of the lens Very, very nice.
Speaker 3:I'm so glad you're here and I'm excited to talk about this because it's you know, we actually for those listening in we had filmed an episode early in January which was fantastic and maybe we'll end up in like the lost archives, but given kind of the recent developments, the shift in administration and kind of all of the conversation and discourse around LGBTQ rights being rolled back, we thought it made the most sense to rere-record through this new lens. So thank you again, albert, for partnering with me on this. My forever partner, I love you, thank you, thank you. So I want to start off with kind of our wedding process as a queer couple. When we first started planning our wedding, we knew we wanted our wedding to reflect who we were as a queer couple and not just like replicate, you know, the traditional templates, templated wedding right. What were some key elements we focused on to make our wedding authentically us?
Speaker 1:Yeah, honestly, you're listening to your intro. It's kind of strange because I feel like, as queer people, we always have to have this. Like you know, yes, we want to celebrate and have a good time, but then there's also this like context to the moment. So I know that there's a lot of heavy things, lots of change that's obviously happening to our community in real time, and so you know, some of the things that we talk about or that I'm going to talk about today might seem kind of like small in the grand scheme, but I think the reality is is that when we do have these opportunities to be ourselves and to celebrate ourselves and our love, like we really need to take advantage of those opportunities, like even more now than I even realized before.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely, queer joy is essential and it's something we must always retain and spread because, you know, we are constantly being bombarded with such negative you know narratives in the media, negative news around our rights being threatened.
Speaker 1:So always being able to hold the space for queer joy whenever possible is important and I'm going to quote you because you know you, honestly, are like the planning guru. So you know you said something, andre, to me that really rings true and that the wedding is our first group project. Right, and I think your background, your context, your experience you had a lot of large kind of group projects that you were able to be a part of and kind of build those muscles of like how to plan things and how to be strategic and knowing all of the elements that go into creating these great memories and moments and events. That's like one of your superpowers is creating good memories and so, like you're really good at that and you're proficient at that, I definitely was not. So I think there was like a strong learning curve on my end just around everything that goes into it. And when you shared that, I think that was a little bit of a wake up call for me during planning right To be like, hey, like this is a group project, you need to show up. And then B it also kind of answers the question around like how do we make sure that our vision and our personality is reflected back Right, and I think the way that we did it at least, and which made sense after when you said that statement is like owning a part of the process and investing yourself in that part, right, like we each have our own strengths.
Speaker 1:Whoever's getting married, they're going to have their own strengths and I think we can kind of leverage those. Just like we do at work when we're business planning or project planning, we're going to look for the people and really make them shine in those things that they're great at and then in the other things that someone else might be great at, let them hold the mic and kind of own the light in that space. So, like when it came to project planning, I'm super lucky because I have you master class of logistic planning. Right, like your notion boards were mind-blowing, like incredible, being able to track vendors, budgets, guest list, shot list, like everything through that right. And then, on the other side, I'm kind of more on the visual elements. So like, what are we wearing? What are the flowers going to be? Right, like what's that visual narrative that's going to be told? And I think we both kind of got the opportunity to kind of invest a little bit of ourselves in each part of it and then in the final, because we both poured our own energy into that. Our energy was reflected to the guests, right, because, like, at the end, I think something that was important to both of us was telling our story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, I think a lot of us can say we've been to many weddings, but there are a lot of weddings that are really like insert name.
Speaker 1:There are a lot of weddings that are really like insert name, copy and paste kind of experiences, and I think both of us align that like we do not want that, right, we want people to feel comfortable, we want everyone to feel loved and, yes, that's for us, but at the same time, it's for everyone else.
Speaker 1:That's a part of that event, right, like making them feel comfortable, love and uplifted in those moments. So I think, like the little things you did with like curating the music, you were so invested in picking the right songs that reflected our story, just going through years and years of Spotify playlists and perfectly curating like these songs that are kind of keepsakes for us, right, like we listen to them and we fly back to hawaii when we first fell in love, or at least that's my story. Yeah, you know, like those things, it's kind of like a time capsule and being able to pull those in and then share those throughout, like, even if we weren't saying anything, people were hearing it and it set the tone and it gave them our vibe, and what we experienced when we're together and being able to, like, share that with everyone was, I mean, it was the coolest day, honestly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely. And I would say to your comment regarding when we fell in love, I would say for me, I think we had different times we fell in love, I think. For me, I think I knew pretty quickly, like I invited Albert over to thank my family's Thanksgiving which is very sacred my family can attest to that where it's a big celebration of food and family and to bring him into that space when I had never brought a significant other, let alone a gay significant other, I think, was, you know, risky move, but I would say it paid off Right.
Speaker 1:I mean honestly, it was bold.
Speaker 1:to be honest, I think back to hearing and I didn't realize at the time when I was going through that and I came into that space, I did not know all of that context. So for everyone that's listening, right, like I just walked in thinking, wow, this is super nice. I moved to California. I don't have any friends or family here. I was alone on Thanksgiving and it was just so kind that this person that I just met off Grindr was asking me to come over on Thanksgiving. Right, so it was definitely a bold move, but it worked because A I mean, let's get real, I'm always been the person that you want to take home to mom. Like that's always been like a yes, you know, an easy check for me.
Speaker 3:There's other things, but impressive, mom, I'm pretty good at that, yes, yes, yes, yes, and I, I you know, without going too deep into that, I would say like it was a risky move of the day. So, honestly, no regrets or, as I say, no regerts.
Speaker 1:And also for context, I would just like to say that, yes, we met on Grindr, but he didn't just like go on Grindr and say, hey, do you want to come?
Speaker 2:over for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1:He's the only person I continue to talk to on Grindr because he genuinely wanted to know who I was and what I was doing. That's it Just like how are you doing today? What's up this weekend? Like just getting to know me and we texted for months. Yeah, Never met in person. So like a longer context. So I don't want people to think like, oh, we messaged on Grindr and then I went over to your house for the excuse.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm just inviting random people off on Grindr, I don't know, but thank you for clarifying. Getting back, though, to kind of like our wedding, though, I think like we had such a strong vision, I think, coming together around making sure that, like you said, we embodied our story but also made the space feel affirming and loving at our wedding, who felt so comfortable and felt so at ease at this in this space, that for I would say, like 80% of the guests, like it was their first gay wedding. So I think you know to be that first time for a lot of people, I think was such an honor and a challenge, I think, because it's like we're setting the bar for our community and we want to make sure that we are leaving them with the best impression, Well, obviously still being authentic to who we are. Do you know what I mean? And I think we really we nailed that truly Like air five.
Speaker 1:We did I mean honestly we did, and I also just kind of tying it back to like our own visions of what we wanted. Right, like we did want it to be obviously queer, but at the same time I do like elegant traditional vibes Right. So like when I'm thinking about visuals, like obviously we we already talked about the music so like playing, you know, music or songs that are in the queer zeitgeist, right, like that sets a tone right away. Right so like they hear it and they almost are like I'm reflected in this, right. And then you know, I wanted to have that elegance with white. So he had us both in crisp white tuxedos. I used white flowers and a variety of eucalyptus kind of as a backdrop. But the reason why I wanted it to be so clean is that we also incorporated a lot of eucalyptus kind of as a backdrop. But the reason why I wanted it to be so clean is that we also incorporated a lot of progress flags, right.
Speaker 1:So it's like we gave progress flags to all of our guests. They were on their chairs when they came in. We also had rainbow fans that they could open and fan themselves with. But it gave like this really nice vibe that A when they walked in, you're hearing music that they've heard in gay bars before. There's this really nice vibe that a when they walked in, you're hearing music that they've heard in gay bars before. Yeah, there's pride and progress flags all over the place. The bathrooms are gender neutral, right, Like none of this he, him, business. We're all simply just there to like uplift love and enjoy each other. And I think, like those small things although they were small, I think they were effective in like making sure that when people came in, although they were small, I think they were effective in like making sure that when people came in, it was like they were immediately relaxed, yeah, but I think the smallness of them, I think that's just the details.
Speaker 3:Do you know what I mean? Like those details, at the end of the day, they all add up to an overall experience and I think we were so detailed oriented in wanting a specific. You know, vibe, and you know that everybody could be a part of that. It felt very inclusive and that they were, you know, here to party and celebrate love, love, love that we shared, love that we share with those people that are, that are with us. Like it's it was just a love fest. I'm so grateful for a partner who, I know that you know, a lot of times when people are getting married they don't have the same kind of dynamic where you have someone you can rely on. It's usually, you know, one of the people potentially usually the bride is the one having to, you know, deal with the brunt of the work around planning and you know that's really difficult. So I'm so grateful to be able to have that, you know, partnership with you and and for us to be able to share this moment and share that moment specifically to together I know we're.
Speaker 1:I don't want to skip around too much, but I you did hit on like such a thing that I didn't even write down to talk about, which was like the stark I don't know if it's stark, but I guess just like the elephant in the room. That is like hetero men just completely not planning at all, like having a part in planning their first group project together and like when you said that to me, I started analyzing everything and all the weddings I'm going to and that I've been in, and I'm just like this is crazy that and I was working with people at the time that literally told me that we're getting married. We were getting married like right after them, and so I was asking questions around like how's the planning going? Like what are you guys doing for flowers? Are you guys doing a three tier cake? Just just understanding of the men I worked with could answer a single question about what was happening at their wedding Anything, right, yeah. And it just blows my mind Cause it's like this weird thing where it's like, oh, that's the woman's job, right. Like oh, the woman's supposed to plan the entire wedding, the woman's supposed to look perfect, the woman's supposed to be a model, linda Evangelista, like, right, and the makeup has to be perfect and all of the stuff that goes into that. Right, in addition to, everyone's got to be where they're supposed to be, everyone's saying where there's what they're supposed to say. How are we paying for all this, the logistics, like all of that stuff?
Speaker 1:And then like the audacity to say bridezilla, like, yes, anybody in that position is going to be like what the heck? I'm the only person working on this group project, right, like, and it's not a good to me, it does not sound like a good way to kick off your partnership, right? So like, when you brought it up to me, then it made me really aware of it and then I was like I don't want to be that person. So, to anyone who's listening, who's planning an event, who thinks that it's not important that they are, or somebody just really wants to do that there's so much that has to be done, like, you can grab part of it, get it done, support it, be there, put yourself into the event. It will reflect that yes, I. Then it will reflect that.
Speaker 3:Yes, I love that Fantastic, All right. So I think our vision, you know you captured a lot of that really well and I want to kind of talk more about, like the industry, the wedding industry as a whole, because I think the wedding industry functions in a deeply heteronormative way Everything from like you know forms, asking you know the names of the bride and the groom, or vendors who don't always know how to cater to queer couples. What challenges can you remember that we faced in the process and how did we ensure that the people that did work with us, that we ended up contracting for a wedding, that they were truly inclusive contracting for a wedding that they were truly inclusive.
Speaker 1:That's a great question. Again, I'm so ignorant to this whole process. Until we started going through it I just really didn't know all of the things that went into it and how it all worked. It's obviously a business and all of these vendors and the services that they provide in the event spaces and all of those things are there to make money and that's that's their structure. I think that with weddings, the part that I was just kind of like blown away by is just how highly gendered everything is on every level, like any possible thing. Every pillow, trinket, picture, candle, anything was his or hers or bride, this or groom, that it was just like even the rooms, right, like the bridal suite, right. It's like every conversation when you're working with vendors that are, I guess you, I would call them like hetero vendors, I'm not sure what the proper term is right, yeah, but like it, they obviously cater to the hetero community, right, and honestly, that's all of them Right.
Speaker 1:And yes, there are queer vendors and when you get the opportunity and the chance, it's like such a relief, because when you're working with these people that have never, ever done an event for a queer couple, like they don't know what to say, they don't know what questions to ask or what jokes may be offensive, and so I think there's this like delicate balance where it's like not all these people are mean or trying to be rude or any of that. They just simply are not used to it, and it's a learning opportunity. So I would say like that's something that you know. I think, as queer people, I can just speak for myself that sometimes, you know I work in a very straight space, right FinTech and lending and all of that is a very hetero thing and I'm in a lot of hetero spaces, so I'm used to working with that.
Speaker 1:But I'm there working, they're paying me, so I'm kind of okay with it in that dynamic. But when I'm paying somebody an obscene amount of money to do something and they can't even like remember that we're both husbands, right, or that one of us is not a bride. Even though we are both men getting married, neither of us are the bride. That's quite literally the entire point.
Speaker 3:Can you explain that a little bit more, because I think there's a story behind that.
Speaker 1:Yes, so some of the vendors, like you know, we did some tests, and makeup, for example. Right, we went to several different companies and met with people, did makeup tests just to see what was out there. We didn't really do makeup, so we didn't know what we wanted to do or like what level of makeup intensity we wanted, and so it was just. There was this one interaction that really stuck out to me, which was this woman who was very sweet and she was nice, doing her best, right, did a good job.
Speaker 1:She had obviously had great skills not to talk poorly about any of that but she asked, like when we first got there, who's the bride? And I A we just kind of like giggled, made it like a joke, and then I clarified like neither of us are the bride. That is the point, right, that's quite literally the point. And so then we kind of moved on. So I try to always wrap like the lessons I'm giving these straight people in how to talk to queer people and how to navigate those conversations in somewhat of like a little bit of like a smirk and joke, because I don't want to make them feel bad and like lock up and whatever, because that's not what they're trying to do.
Speaker 2:And I know that, right.
Speaker 1:But at like later on she brought it up again. So she's doing your makeup, yeah, and then she tells tells me, oh so you cook and clean. I'm like, well, no, we kind of share it. And she just kept asking questions around like, well, who does the laundry kind of thing, or who does this? And sometimes it's just hard for them to think like we both contribute equally to anything we're doing. So that's kind of like a moment from them. But then again she brings it up because I mentioned that I liked things being clean.
Speaker 1:You said something around the idea of, like me needing to clean or put things in order compulsively, whatever like that neatness. And then she goes, oh so you're the wife, and I just was like this woman doesn't get it, like she doesn't get it, she's not mean, but she doesn't get it, and because of that she didn't get our business Right. So I think there's, like you know, some things that you can make exceptions for, because a lot of this stuff is going to all be set by your location. And then like your resources Right, cause, like a lot of vendors have approved vendor lists, it's not like you can just pick anybody, any caterer, any right. Like there's any florist. Like a lot of times they're saying, no, you can work with these people or you can work with someone else, but we're going to charge you even more money to do that, right, right, which is like come on, right, so like financial constraints a big part of it.
Speaker 1:So we ended up going with a venue that wasn't necessarily like owned and operated by an openly queer person. Right, our venue was great, all the people were very nice. Like yes, everything had husband and wife and bride and stuff all over it. But like I, when we walked through the space, I said all of this stuff, I'm just letting you know I want God, I don't want, I don't want a single his and her pillow to insight on our day. Like I don't want us to get out of our dream and our fantasy, like that's what we're paying for is to make that fantasy a reality and that's really what weddings are is like bringing together those dreams that you always wanted of sharing this moment with your loved one and cherishing that with your whole family and chosen family and friends is just like that's what it's about. And so I think that making some concessions around like, yes, maybe the you know we can't use all queer vendors, but I think there's certain ones that are like must, like the one I think of the most well A, I think the makeup was really nice because we ended up getting going to you know a vendor that catered to our community.
Speaker 1:I don't necessarily know if they were themselves, but they definitely catered. They hired people that were part of our community and so when we went and did that makeup test with them, it was like really relieving to just like have someone in the space. That was like there were people there that were trans, that were working there, right, and it was like that's just like. I'm like, this is our people, this is who we want to be around. We don't want to have to explain who's the bride, we don't want to have to correct them 30 times that where's the bride? Right? Like none of that existed, which is so nice. So I think like, if you can choose, you know someone that's in the makeup, hair stuff in that space. I think that's usually not required in the vendor packages.
Speaker 1:That's one, and then number two, which I think is the most impactful, is the DJ. Like we had shout out to dj quiles honestly was amazing, like having that person come in. They knew all the songs that we wanted, right. They probably knew the words to the songs that we wanted to play, right. Like there's. Just like this element of relaxation, and the dj is going to be in every video, is going to be in lots of pictures there's. They have a huge input and influence on how that night takes shape and everyone in their experience within it.
Speaker 1:So if I was to suggest anyone, make sure that you at least get a queer DJ. It will make a ton of impact. And the other thing that's always nice is you never have to explain pronouns to them. They will get the pronouns right. They're going to remember that you're both grooms. They're not going to ask you twice because those things explain pronouns to them. They will get the pronouns right. They're going to remember that you're both grooms. They're not going to ask you twice because those things are important to them too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely Beautifully said. And just to shout out, Diamond Beauty, Dusty from Diamond Beauty, really appreciate all of your work to make us look fantastic. Again, DJ Quiles. Again they were so integral to the success of that day and evening, so highly recommend for those who are looking for vendors that are in Southern California. I would now want to shift the conversation a little bit and talking kind of about how we reimagined trends and subverted expectations. There are so many, you know, different wedding traditions that are very heteronormative and don't fit a queer couple right, and I would love for you to kind of unpack what were those traditions we reimagined or rejected or just transformed to better align with our values.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I felt like this part was kind of fun, like not fun in the sense of like having to explain what all these things are to people, but fun in the sense of like being able to write our own story of what the event looks like and what these different elements of the event are, like that part I thought was kind of cool.
Speaker 1:Right, like I don't have I definitely don't know enough men, like I'm not friendly with enough guys to even have like a whole pack of groomsmen that's. I mean. I mean I've always had girlfriends like right, that's how I roll, it's just where I'm comfortable. And my best friend, connie, you know, she's amazing. She's in her seventies, she's a queen.
Speaker 1:I love her to pieces and I knew that I wasn't going to walk down the aisle without her being like a really prominent part, because I genuinely don't know if I would have made it to that aisle to walk down it without her being like a really prominent part, because I genuinely don't know if I would have made it to that aisle to walk down it without her, so being able to like really elevate her and show people like the importance of that relationship and what it really meant. So she was my woman of honor, right. So I didn't have a man of honor, I had a woman of honor, right, and, of of course, all the forms are not gonna have that right. So it's very much like filling in. You know, names in places that probably aren't what the title says on the paper, because the paper isn't even updated to reflect our current reality, right? I think you might have come up with this, or maybe it was just like a group, but I remember pride al-qarri being like another yes, yes, yes, yep yep, you know what I mean like.
Speaker 1:To me that was like another element of that. It's like, oh yeah, you have, like, the wedding party, or you have the bridal party, and we kind of renamed it as the pridal party. Right, like it's pride, it's inclusive, we're having a party. I think one of the coolest parts was the flower child which, to be honest, I think more and more people have to do this because it doesn't make any sense. Right, like you're supposed to have this.
Speaker 1:Like young maiden walk down the aisle first and throw flowers. Right, we had our nephew do that and he was in breakdancing at the time, so we kind of leaned into like we're, the whole time anyone was walking down the aisle. We were playing fun music. Like you know, junior, senior, move your feet right Is like think of that vibe. And then Reed coming down with his suit on ready to go and his gym shoes and then being able to like dance, throwing flowers and do some little you know, break dancing moves at the end. Like it was just like such a cool, fun thing.
Speaker 1:And the kids, it's like it breaks that norm in their mind, like they'll never have to think ever about like oh, you need a little girl to do this part and a little boy to do this part, and it's like let's just pull all of that apart, it does not matter at all, right, and they will get into it. So, like our nieces were ring bearers which was kind of cool because, you know, being able to put them into a position of like power and say, like all right, these are our rings. Like you girls have to protect these, right? So like you need to defend these rings and like you're the strength that's going to secure and protect these, right. So like you need to defend these rings and like you're the strength that's going to secure and protect these. Like that's your role, right, they're the lords of the rings.
Speaker 3:Yes, right.
Speaker 1:And like they loved that idea. They were very much like don't touch the ring, kind of thing, like very like protective and like it's like it just shows like you introduce these things to kids and there's no friction, there is no thought of like this is right, this is wrong or I can't do that. It's like they immediately embrace and just have fun. Another element that I I loved, which I didn't think it was going to go over as well as it did, but we did a flower toss, like a joint bouquet toss right, we both got like smaller bouquets and we didn't have them during the ceremony, but we had them for this and we both threw the flowers at the same time and we invited everybody. That was single, right.
Speaker 1:So when I look back, before we threw those, I just thought it was so cool to see a whole dance floor full of people all different ages, genders, demographics. Like it was a great reflection of like yes, everybody can get up and get involved in this part, right. Like it's it's just a silly made up thing anyway. So like let's just have fun with it, right. And like I just thought that was so cool, especially to see my brother-in-law who's like this, you know, big religious straight guy that I didn't even know he'd be in that room and to have him up there smiling and like participating in it was just really cool.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I love that. No, and actually one little tidbit there the two people that caught the bouquets were both named Samantha, so it seems like it was meant to be, and I totally agree with you. I think, like all of those things you know, just innately, by us even being a queer couple, we're subverting norms. So it's like at that point let's just do it all, like, let's find other ways that we can inject a little whimsy, a little bit of fun, switch it up, make it more exciting, because I think by us setting the stage early that this wasn't going to be your regular wedding, it made it so. Every little element of it was a surprise and delight throughout, so that, you know, throughout the evening, guests were able to have a really fun experience and see things that they'd did that because it's like not only did it align with our values, but it also just made it more interesting and more exciting of an experience. So I love that.
Speaker 3:I want to now take a quick pivot over to family dynamics and community support, which I think is something that we are very lucky to have so much support from our family chosen family and biological, you know supporting us on our big day. This isn't always the case for a lot of queer couples, and so it's like we we were constantly bringing that up in the planning processes of our wedding how grateful we were to be supported by so many supportive people. You know, and I want to, I want to have you unpack a little bit like how did our families and like our wider queer community contribute to the celebration? What were some challenges and joys of navigating those relationships?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think you said it right. You know, like we're so privileged and lucky that, like my dad loves me, he's more than happy to stand up at our wedding and shout from the rooftops that he loves us, right In celebrating us, like, yeah, my sister wouldn't even think twice. Like you are her, her brother now, and like there's just like no resistance in that element, right Like, and I I'm so, so, so privileged and lucky to be able to say that and have that Right. And like your family has been so embracing of me, I mean even from the very beginning, like having over for Thanksgiving when they didn't even know me. You know, like, who is this random gay person that you just brought into our house, right Like, and they were so kind and your family has just really embraced me and I'm so grateful. The kids are nieces and nephews, like nephew, you know they're, they're just amazing. With that being said, like I think all families have you know, it's their what do they say?
Speaker 1:A diaspora lots of perspectives and different values. Just because your family doesn't mean that you all align and believe in the same things or have the same experiences, right? So there is a part of my family that is super religious. I come from the Midwest, in a small town called Dundee in Illinois, and it was not a good space to grow up as a queer person in general, and I don't know if it's changed. I don't want to go back to find out, but that part can be difficult, right, like very religious, very conservative people that when I was younger, I kind of stepped away from and I avoided because I felt so uncomfortable and I knew how they felt about me being gay, right, life and lifestyle. Like it was really important to me to pull along those people that maybe had different perspectives and bring them into it Because A I wanted this to be a healing thing. I wanted us to all like come see the love, share the love and then leave with that feeling and take that with them.
Speaker 1:And so I think for me, like a part of it was kind of making sure that those people came right. Like I did everything I could to accommodate and make sure that they came, which was probably more than I needed to do. However, I was doing it for myself, right, like I wanted these people to be there that were family members that maybe I didn't speak to very regularly and only knew me as, like a straight person before I came out right. I wanted them to see what a loving family, a queer loving family, looks like, because if they have never experienced it, they're not going to know Right.
Speaker 1:So I think there's like this delicate balance where it's like, yes, it's my day. I want these people to celebrate me and uplift me and be there all the time, but, at the same time, like I want to leverage this as something that can share our message of love and joy with a broader audience. That mean that these people mean a lot to me. And so I think there's always kind of that like dynamic, if you will, when you're queer and you're getting married, you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, 100%. And with my experience I would have to say that, like you know, initially I would say my parents were not the most accepting of my coming out initially, initially. But like, accepting of my coming out initially initially, but like, over time they grew to understand that it was just a small part of who I am and eventually celebrate my identity as a queer person. And you know, being able to bring home the first guy you know again met weeks before to a family Thanksgiving, I think was such a big deal and my mom always said, like you know, whoever you bring home, you better be ready to marry them. So that was kind of the context in which I was, you know, having him come over and hey, it worked.
Speaker 3:But I think in general, having you know parents who are not accepting sometimes initially can be, you know, upsetting. You know it feels polarizing, it feels isolating, but it was a journey to educate them on who their son was. It's like let me reintroduce myself and let me take you on this journey to understand who I am. And I think over time the queerness of it all didn't matter because at the end the crux of it was they love their son and I'm so grateful that they were there on my big day. They were so welcoming to Albert throughout the process of our early dating and, you know, being a part of the wedding and just they, they, they've been such a great support system that I'm so lucky and again, I've said this before, but we are sometimes not the norm, like sometimes, you know, we have people whose families don't accept them, that don't want to be a part of this because it conflicts with their religious beliefs, or you know what have you, and I think that at the end of the day, parents you this is a message to you Love your child, love your child as unapologetically as you can, because you are the first person to love them and they need to have your support. And you know, I think it's, it's tough, but you're going to have to learn how to get past those things and just understand that your child is to your child. They love you, you love them and you know, show up and be a good parent, because if you don't, you're being a bad parent period.
Speaker 3:Anywho, I want to now kind of talk about unexpected moments and any reflections that you have, because sometimes the most powerful moments aren't ones that we always plan, especially with an event, Events are. Murphy's Law is always in effect. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Right, but were there any unexpected moments during our wedding that stood out to you? Maybe one that reflected on just a personal journey, but a larger fight for equality?
Speaker 1:Yeah, a lot of unexpected, right, yes, which I think is kind of the beauty of events in general, which I think you know because you've done so many of them. But like, yeah, you can plan for things, but the beauty of the event is when things just kind of happen and even things you didn't plan can make things really memorable. Getting our photos taken like during, like after we did the ceremony and then we had our wedding photos. We got married in downtown San Juan Capistrano, which for anyone that's not familiar, it's like a mission influenced kind of old cobblestone street town vibe, very like country Western influence. So not necessarily like screaming pride necessarily.
Speaker 1:However, it's beautiful and we love San Juan Capistrano. It's just such a nice place to go and for us to spend time beautiful butterfly garden and downtown tea house. There's like just so much cute stuff there that I'm like this is perfect right by our venue. And so when we were taking photos, there was a lot of people around. Like we were not in like a place where there was no one. We were just posing in the middle of like very busy streets on you know, letting people by and then taking more pictures, right. So it is kind of like a, an adjustment and like reminder, I put us both in like bright white tuxedos, matching tuxedos, so like we were doing rainbow umbrellas too.
Speaker 1:Yes, and then I brought huge rainbow umbrellas for us, right, yeah, and so we I mean quite literally, we stuck out like a sore thumb, like we did. We just did in that space looking sore thumbs though, but sort.
Speaker 1:Very very damn good looking sore thumbs. Right, we weren't sore at all, actually. No, I think the part that I was so surprised by was like the contagious smile and response that reflected back from these people. Right, like you know they, they maybe didn't realize what was happening in the beginning or that we were getting married. They were just like, oh, they're taking wedding photos or they're part of the wedding party, or they're like that's a groomsman kind of thing, like they might didn't really connect the dots, and then, like just seeing the strangers, all of a sudden they would be like, oh, and I could see like this, like light bulb moment yes, yes, oh there gotcha right and you know, there was like lots of like I said lots of smiles as they walked past, or people just screaming like congratulations or clapping or cheering right like kids being able to see that and smile like literally.
Speaker 1:I saw like a little kid sitting in the stroller and then he just started smiling, like staring at us, and I was just like I realized like at that point, while we were doing all this, like this is what taking up space looks like, this is what, like showing people what who we are looks like, and like in that process, you're changing all of their minds, like, whether they realize it or not, they saw for a moment like oh wow, like that's what it looks like when two gay men love each other yeah Right, and like isn't that a beautiful photo? Isn't that amazing? Like, look at these pictures. Like just that part to me was it really stood out where I was like we, this is activism and I did not think of it as activism, but like having a wedding, being proud of yourself and showing that and sharing that with people is a form of activism that forever changes people's mind who were a part of it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I totally agree with that. I think it's really about visibility, and you've touched on that perfectly. It's us being visible, us taking up space, us, you know, being examples in some capacity. I think changes hearts, changes minds, normalizes what we consider to be pretty darn normal. At the end of the day, like, I think it's a matter of just the more people are able to see and understand, the less scary these things can be. And I think a lot of hatred stems from both a mixture of miseducation and fear. It's not about anything other than that, really, because they are fearful, because they've been told all of these negative things that has been portrayed in media, in books they have read, maybe in religious texts. That think was both enlightening, but also it allowed them to understand that love is love. It'd be cliche, but like, let's be real.
Speaker 1:It's true.
Speaker 3:Love is love. Okay, so now I want to kind of shift a little bit from our wedding experience, which was fantastic, to kind of talk about more of the broader implications around marriage equality, the fight for marriage equality, which, again, we thought was something that was already solved for, but, given the new administration, you know the ability to get married is something that you know previously wasn't possible. Back, you know what is it? 2015,. Right, and that fight leading up to that moment, from the state level bands to Obergefell v Hodges, was long, hard and fought when we were planning the wedding. Though, like I feel like we talked about, you know how much the history and significance of being able to get married as a queer couple was. Can you kind of tap into that a little bit?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I think A you already know, like you are well-versed in all of this and that's kind of like who you are. And I was a little bit in La La Land, like I fell prey to that thought that like we're protected, we're in California, like that's past us, we don't really need to worry about that. And because I got so complacent in that space, I think that I didn't appreciate the gift of the freedom of being able to marry who you choose yeah, who you choose. And so that just became so obvious to me throughout this process, and especially like reflecting now, because it's even more beyond that this year and where we're headed right For the next four years. So, I think, just reflecting on the freedom and the privilege that we have and being grateful for that, but then to think of what you were saying around, all of the blood, sweat and tears, like people died for us to be able to forget that it's a big deal that we can get married Right. And when I look at it from that perspective and like the like we were saying earlier around, like the surprise of the cheer that people got on their faces as they saw us while they were doing this, taking up space and being an example of what queer love vendor that we talked to, gave suggestions and input and corrected when they said things that were wrong, like they all learned, and that's just the people that were in the business side of it. But obviously we talked about what it means for the people that were there and our loved ones that we brought into that space and showed what it feels like to share radical self-love.
Speaker 1:And a lot of straight people never, ever, ever, get to feel what that feels like. Like we go to a gay bar and we're like this is amazing, blah, blah, blah. But there's a lot of people that never go to those spaces and they never feel like radical love and acceptance. Even though, as a society, they are prioritized and they get access to things that not everyone does, they still don't necessarily ever sit in those spaces where, like holy cow, like everyone loves each other here Right, and like those things don't just happen, you have to build them. You have to make those spaces happen and be intentional with all of those little choices that you're that you're doing. So I feel like the act of getting married, the act of people taking advantage of the privileges that people fought for, is honestly not an option right now. The more people that get married, the more people that share their love in whatever form they want. You don't have to do a wedding, you can do whatever you want. Just throw a party, share what you are and who you are with your loved ones and the people around you, and that's going to make a huge impression.
Speaker 1:Because, in reality, I don't think many people I mean, I don't want to say everybody, but I don't think many people have the ability to imagine how they would feel about something that they have never experienced, right? So if someone has never experienced, I genuinely don't know if the human brain is really that great at trying to imagine what that experience would be like. It leaves a gap, right, and then in that gap, they just fill it with assumption. Yes, right, whether that's religious assumptions, whether that's, you know, fake news assumptions, whatever those things are right. I don't like the thought of I've never been to a gay wedding, so I'm going to fill that thought with whatever my assumption is a gay wedding is or what it looks like, right, and the reality is is that it was our wedding and we had never been to a gay wedding before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was pretty wild, yeah. So how do we know what a gay wedding is supposed to look like, right, and that, to me, is just the part where it makes. Why it's so critical is because, like, why it was so critical for me to invite people that maybe didn't align with my values to be there was because I wanted. I knew that my brother-in-law had never been in a queer space ever. I knew that my nieces from Illinois that grew up and are raised in churches, and I loved them to pieces. I would never say anything negative about them, right, but the system that they were brought up in and the bubble that they live in, they don't even realize they're in a bubble. They have no idea that this whole place exists outside of that, yeah, and so, like doing these things helps with that, right, and so, like doing these things helps with that. It helps fill that gap with actual experience, love, joy, and that's the stuff that, like, really plant seeds and change people's mind in the long run.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I think, like with our wedding although maybe we didn't have as many conversations about how new the right itself was to get married, that still kind of was part of how we navigated it, whether we knew it or not, I think, like the fact that we didn't know what it was like to be at a gay wedding, because we hadn't been to a gay wedding, because there's not many gay weddings, because it was a right that wasn't afforded to our community for a long time, and I think that, whether we knew it or not, I think that, over hung the experience, and given that we wanted to make sure that whatever our celebration did end up looking like, it embodied the love that we share, embodied our community at large, and it made sure that people who hadn't been in those kind of queer affirming spaces like you mentioned, with, you know, your brother-in-law I think it helped show them that there is another world outside of their own experience and I think that in itself was so powerful to be able to share that with them and allow them to hold space with us in our wedding and be there for us while we were able to, you know, show them that queerness is a beautiful thing really, truly.
Speaker 1:I was doing the pinky. I was doing the pinky, hold holding space.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh. Yes, that's right, that's so good. So even though Obergefell secured marriage equality for us, we've seen new legal threats emerge. Just last year, even we've had members of the Supreme Court who openly suggested revisiting the ruling. We have the case that I mentioned earlier in Idaho that is trying to nullify same-sex marriages. So it's kind of clear that our rights are not set in stone, which is both upsetting and disappointing that they're even wasting time on something so ridiculous. What does it mean to be married in a time where our legal protections are once again in question?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I think the biggest part about it is dehumanizing people, and I don't think that that's really thought about in the context, like people who are religious that I know of. Right, they don't realize that by saying you can't get married to your husband or that's not really marriage, right In the definition that I know it, as is the process of dehumanizing us and limiting what our potential is in life in general. It's a slippery slope. Once they start doing that to us, they're going to do that to everyone. It's not just us, it's not about us. It's always separating a smaller segment. Right? Like I think about the huge blow up with trans support and trans rights specifically.
Speaker 1:That is such like a political football just because it separates people. Right? Like the actuality is is that it's billionaires and everyone else. Right, that is the reality that we're in and they don't want us to think about that. They don't want us to think this small group of billionaires is influencing and controlling everything. They want us to infight and hate each other, right, and then argue about why this person can or can't get married, what this person can call themselves or what room or access they have to different things Like that is the entire point of all of it and we lose sight over the larger picture, which is we are all in it together. If you're a billionaire or you're not, those are the only two groups that exist. Everything else is all of us together. And if it's going to happen to just us, yes, it will start with us or with trans people, but it will then spread to all the other groups of people after that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely, and it's about understanding that, like we are to be married is almost a form of activism. Like you mentioned earlier, it's being visible, be taking up space. It's, you know, when a lot of you know conservative lawmakers want to put us back into the closet, want to nullify our marriages, want to make it so we are not able to exist. I think is is kind of the the message I'm getting from these lawmakers and, you know, right wing activists like, and I think that's so disappointing that that is the aim of what they're trying to accomplish.
Speaker 3:Obviously, the consolidation of power by dividing people is definitely a part of the equation here, but beyond that, though, like the people who hold those viewpoints, I think it is coming from a place again of being misguided in what it means to be queer, and you know how they perceive us, based off of kind of the media that they are fed and that they consume on a regular basis, the communities that they come from that reinforce those values that it just is such a, you know, a deep, deep abyss that they are having to, you know, see the world through. It's a dark place and they don't realize it. And the more that people are able, like ourselves are able to educate them, to show them whether it's in media or in person, or work through families or friends the more light is able to come in, that they're able to see clearer that there is more to the story than what they've been told and in doing so, are able to exist more peacefully with everybody else.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it also kind of, like, you know, highlights powerful tools, right, like they want to take away things that are powerful, and I think that marriage equality is so powerful, like our culture as a whole cherishes weddings so much.
Speaker 1:They're like one of those like pivotal points in everyone's life.
Speaker 1:Right, like everyone's supposed to go through that at least once, right, everyone's life.
Speaker 1:Right, like everyone's supposed to go through that at least once.
Speaker 1:Right, and it's so, I don't know, held up on this like enormous pedestal that I think that's why they want to take it away, because, because it is such a powerful vehicle of spreading knowledge, love and joy that it's hard to combat that, like, all of the people that participated or even spectated during our wedding, there was a seed planted in their mind that will slowly grow and blossom over time and that means something different to every one of those people, right, but all of that, like how many people we just impacted from our small event? Right, and like if everyone's doing these all over the United States and everyone is able to affect that many people and share their story and show them, right, like that is a very powerful lever that we get access to pulling, yeah, right, and so it makes sense that they want to take that power away. Yeah, they don't want us to share love and joy. They don't want other people to see what it really means, because it will change their mind and they know that, so they want to take it away.
Speaker 3:Yeah, literally fantastically said babe Okay it away. Yeah, literally fantastically said, babe Okay. So I want to now talk about going back a little bit to the wedding industry as a whole and its responsibility Beyond. Like individual vendors, the wedding industry as a whole often marks itself as inclusive, while still reinforcing a lot of outdated norms. Right and so like? What responsibility do you think the industry has in creating spaces for queer couples to be seen, rather than just using them as a marketing tool?
Speaker 1:There was, and I don't remember who said it, but there is a saying that somebody said that you can't be the best if you're not selling to everybody. Yeah Right, and that's just the reality. Like you, you had reference in a previous podcast that the queer community what invest $4.7 trillion. Am I saying that?
Speaker 3:correct.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 4.7 trillion in consumer spending power, right so that's a big chunk of change, right, and there are companies that are struggling, right, and if you want to make sure that everybody's buying your product, then you think that's their responsibility. Is like, hey, if you want this to be successful and you want to expand your business and not turn people down that want to just hand you their money, like there are small little things that would go a long way. Like we were talking about just like how title dropdowns on intake forms on websites, right, like I get like there's vendors and like their own thing, but like something as small as just like changing the gender of the title or the role to whatever and just having options for people to fill it in as they go. Right, like it felt very much Cause I think, like you and I were more focused on project management, we're thinking ahead, we're thinking about the user, the UI experience, that whole thing, and like if you were to just apply that to this situation, it was very obvious that all of the wedding vendors almost all I would say 90% were using, like it felt like prehistoric tools, right, yes, yes, it was very much like weird web forms, weird forms that you're filling out, that you can't change.
Speaker 1:Nothing's inclusive like none of that. They don't like take feedback and adjust, and so I would just say, like as a whole, just like any other industry, if you don't take that feedback and adjust and build for the next thousand users right Like, you're going to end up getting disrupted by someone who is. So if I'm a business and I'm thinking just from a just from a capitalistic perspective alone I'm not thinking about human rights or what I think about or anything I want to sell to everybody in that area. I want to make sure everybody in that area wants to work with me and that I have the best product, and I've already thought about it. So if we take that lens and just apply it to the wedding industry, there's so many like small little things that I think would go a very big way in impacting the experience as a whole.
Speaker 3:Yeah, 100% agree. And again like double clicking into what you said there around, like if you want to be the best thing, you need to sell to everybody. Like it's just economics folks like you know although I would love for them to be thinking through the implications around human rights and all that kind of stuff At the end of the day, if you only you know are focused on your pocketbook, then why? Why not just make sure that you're catering to all individuals?
Speaker 1:Like whose household, who, who? Whose household has two jobs, two incomes, no kids. They have expendable income. Who has that? That's right, people, yeah, people have that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I mean people have that. Yeah, so I mean the money's there, the facts are there, so take with that what you will, folks. So, looking ahead, you know, as it pertains to love, resilience as a community and just overall future LGBTQ equality. You know, planning and celebrating your wedding was obviously a very deeply personal experience for us, but it also made us aware of the wider, you know, movement for equality as we continued our journey together. How do we stay engaged in protecting the rights we've gained, but also what gives you hope for the future?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's definitely looking a little doom and gloom, so I don't want to be too depressing. However, I think it is like a harsh reality that we cannot. We just don't have the privilege of looking away right now. Right, I think the the fake sense of established rights in this country as a whole is a figment of our imaginations. That's not real, it's delusional. Like we always have to be fighting for our rights, we always have to be visible and we can never act like we are. We've hit that finish line and we don't need to fight anymore, right, and I feel like there was a little bit from me a sense of like the you know, being caught up in the delusion of like this is a cemented real thing. That's like can't be taken away and the reality is that that's not the case, right, so I can't unsee that, I can't unthink that, I can't unfeel that, and us, like bringing our loved ones together in the community and celebrating them. Making that connection and uplifting those people that are underrepresented is really important, right, little bit of you know, a sprinkle of something to make it more complete and reflect what society looks like and who we really are. I think it's incumbent upon us to try to elevate those people that we can right, I think, even from like us working and hiring our teams. And who are we? Who are we looking to bring on to a team or partner? With right, like being able to be strategic and thoughtful, with, like picking people that reflect our values and elevate those around us in our community that don't always have those resources. I think there's any way that we can do that. We should.
Speaker 1:Obviously, you know we've talked about this separately but getting involved in foundations and movements like Point Foundation and being able to work with their point scholars. I had a mentee that I worked with for two years Shout out to Luke. It was really, really impactful to me. I feel like I learned just as much as I hope he learned from the experience, and it really did make me feel like I was making an impact, and I think we need to do more of that.
Speaker 1:We need to lean into that, and it has to be like part of every year planning, like, what movements are we fighting for? What organizations are we participating in this year? If we have any extra money that we can throw towards political candidates that are fighting for the things that matter, like, let's show up for them. Right, let's be in those local fights where people maybe aren't paying attention to. On a global scale, it's not, as like you know, obvious that people need to get involved, but like, yes, we're in California, but that doesn't mean that we don't need to get involved or that we shouldn't be visible, because we know that that can be taken away so quickly and I can't even imagine what't always broadcasted, that aren't always the headline of that newspaper, and making sure that we never let up because we can't.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely agree, and I also think at the core, it is about information and knowledge and staying up to date, like you mentioned, on all that's happening, as sometimes, you know, troublesome as it can be, understanding where we're at politically across public policy, the implications of how it may impact our community. We have to be constantly informed and alert, as this stuff is happening at a breakneck pace and the more knowledge that we have as an individual, as a community, the more powerful we are to protect our community. And I think you tapped into this in your response about the importance of community and being able to support each other to build resilience, to move our culture, move our communities forward in normalizing and celebrating our community, our contributions and all that we have to offer as people. I think that it's essential for us to uplift each other when we can support each other, find ways that we can contribute, you know, monetarily or if you have time to volunteer, or if you know there are a variety of ways to stay involved and engaged. But at the end of the day, it's making sure that you are in the fight for equality Like it is. It's so important and we cannot get complacent, because when we get complacent is when we see a rollback of our rights and we're not going back period.
Speaker 3:Yes, all righty. So now we get into the next segment of compulsory questions that I ask all of my guests. These are kind of like a lightning round, so feel free to just give me the response. Or, if you want to add context we love context here, so please add it if you feel like you would like to do so Awesome, all right. So the first question is what is your go-to queer anthem that never fails to get you pumped?
Speaker 1:Oh, that's kind of a hard question because there's so many of them.
Speaker 1:Two come to mind right off the top I think one is like just right now, my anthem that I just can't stop listening to and it's pretty girl era, the super disco mix by luke kayla. I just cannot like when I'm I've had to go in the office so I'm commuting, and while I'm driving on've had to go in the office so I'm commuting, and while I'm driving on my way to work in the morning I will blast that on repeat and it just kind of gets me in that space where I'm like this is my moment, it's my era, it all just works, I feel good, gets me like pumped and ready to go. So I feel like that's like my anthem that I'm hooked to. But I almost was thinking Pink Pony Club by Chapel Roan, just because I feel like it perfectly encompasses what it feels like as like not maybe not out queer person going to a queer bar for the first time and just like experiencing that, like radical love and acceptance and joy, like that feeling of like oh, oh, my God, this is amazing.
Speaker 1:Like I never want to leave this stage. I want to be like up here and you know mom's going to be mad, but I'm going to. I'm going to be twirling in my heels, that's right.
Speaker 3:I love that. If your LGBTQ identity came with a warning label, what would it be?
Speaker 1:My only crime is being irresistible. Because right, Because we're not doing anything wrong, we're just here, spreading our joy, loving ourselves and looking damn good while we do it, and that is not a crime. It is not a crime to be irresistible.
Speaker 3:That's right. I love that. That's a great one. If you had a queer superpower, what would it be? You?
Speaker 1:don't know this, but this is such a perfect question for me because I'm not exaggerating Every single night when I go to sleep. Ever since I was a child, I was obsessed with X-Men, superpowers, all that stuff, right, collecting comic books, whatever. I would think way too intensely about all the different superpowers, try to think of new ones that didn't exist yet, and I would also think of like weird situations where that superpower would actually suck having or it'd be like really weird. So like I'm cold all the time, if I was like the invisible man, I'd have to be naked all the time and I'd be freezing, right and then I would think like you have to like flex a muscle or something to like actually be invisible, and if you like sneeze, it's just like right.
Speaker 1:Stupid things like that, Right Like Albert says no one needs to think that hard, but I know, because I prepared for this question my whole life. Yeah, it is the ability to share feelings.
Speaker 3:And let me explain.
Speaker 1:So, like you know, sometimes I have been sickly in my life growing up and people would think like you're making this up, it's in your head or you don't really feel that way. I would love to be able to just like touch somebody and make them feel physically, mentally, emotionally, everything that I'm experiencing in that moment. Because I think, like we said, about like the gaps in knowledge and experience and all those things, it's, it's just like we can't imagine a situation we've ever been in. It's impossible for us to imagine how we would feel about those situations, right? So it would just be fantastic Like I could see going to the doctor if you're sick and the doctor just like touches you and can like literally feel like, oh, it's your left leg, oh, it's this and this is what it feels like, right, not like point at this chart of faces and tell me if it's a one to 10 kind of kind of thing.
Speaker 3:So I just feel like it just feel really useful and bring everyone together yeah, it's like a reverse empath, basically, where you give you taking on other people's. I like that, that's good next question is what is your favorite piece of queer content? So that could be film, music, tv show, podcast, book, audiobook, whatever. Whatever is really like giving you that feeling.
Speaker 1:I like I already know this is like such a basic B answer and I get it. However, rupaul's Drag Race, I mean, and it's, and it's all of them right, like we're on season 17,. But it's all over the world we can see different cultures represent their culture and different how they do their drag, what they perform, their jokes, like all those things they have music and competitions with like the most amazing designers that sew things in an hour that I couldn't even imagine how they do it. Right, like, right, and it's one of those things that it's like I really feel like it's the perfect antidote to stress, like if you are stressed, if you're whatever with anything, just put on some rupaul's drag race in the background. You don't even have to watch the whole thing, it will. It's just impossible for us not to be in a better state of mind after watching an episode. Like I just feel like it's like an energy cleanse, like a reset, you know, would you say it gives you life? Yes, it gives me life Awesome.
Speaker 3:And then the last question I have for you is if you could give your younger queer self a piece of advice, what would it be?
Speaker 1:This again kind of goes back to RuPaul. I just imagine this little picture of little Albert. You're like, what would you say to little Albert? Yeah, exactly, I wish that I would have not been so scared to be openly gay and queer and lean into because drag race is one example. But I even think of like musicals.
Speaker 1:Like I genuinely grew up hating musicals and I now know that that was a hundred percent internalized homophobia. Like as a kid I would have loved to be in musicals. I love singing, dancing, having fun, putting on a show, like telling a story. Like I just wish I wouldn't have been so scared of what other people thought and said about me because I was bullied a lot Like it wasn't. I didn't have the space to do that.
Speaker 1:I genuinely was like I need to just not be seen and that's what they want.
Speaker 1:Obviously, right, it's to not be seen, not be yourself, not be authentic. And then it like builds these layers of internalized homophobia. That like it's a cage of my own making in a sense, because I'm enforcing these, this internal homophobia, on myself and I don't even realize I'm doing it so like as we've gotten older and obviously finding an awesome partner and being able to explore myself and understand myself, like unpacking all of that, if I could go back and say that to me as a little kid just be like, just be as gay as you want, just lean into it, join the choir, join the theater, do all those fun things and make those fun memories. Because now, looking back, it's like I just avoided doing them and now I just don't have those experiences and I would have rather had people made fun of me then and have those memories and have those experiences and gotten to know those amazing, talented people in those spaces in my own town. Right, I might not have been the only gay person I knew if I just would have allowed myself to do that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely Beautifully said, truly. Thank you, albert, babe, husband of mine, for sharing our wedding journey. It was obviously an experience not just of celebrating love, but it was a deliberate act of defiance, in a lot of ways, against norms that often exclude us. A lot of ways against norms that often exclude us. Our story is one among many, many queer couples showing that queer couples can and do redefine traditions to fit our truths. To everyone out there who is planning a wedding, whether it's a small one or a big one, remember this day is about you and your partner or partners, and remember to break from tradition. Remember to reimagine old norms and create new ones that honor your love story.
Speaker 3:Weddings are deeply personal, yet in times like this, they are also political acts. It is an assertion of our right to exist, our right to love and our right to be recognized To everyone who is listening. We cannot ignore the broader context. While we celebrate our victories, there are renewed challenges to marriage equality, new threats that try to undo the progress we've fought for. The recent court case I keep mentioning in Idaho, which seeks to dismantle same-sex marriages, is a stark reminder of how fragile our rights are in this country.
Speaker 3:Yet our community has always been resilient and will continue to be resilient. It's crucial that we stay engaged. We stay informed and, whether it's supporting advocacy groups, whether you're voting or simply living your truth boldly, our collective voice is powerful and it's how we protect the progress we've made and push for greater equality. Again, albert, thank you so much. My husband, I love you so much. I'm so grateful to be married to you and for you to have had this conversation with me For the listeners at home. Thank you so much for tuning in and, albert, do you have any last minute words?
Speaker 1:Just be yourself. I love you all. Thank you so much for listening and tuning in to the Queerest Podcast.
Speaker 3:Thanks y'all.
Speaker 2:And that's a wrap for this episode of the Queerest Podcast. Thank you for joining us on this cosmic journey through the queer universe. If today's conversation resonated with you, be sure to like, subscribe and share it with your chosen family. Your voice helps grow the queerest community. Until next time, stay curious.